Purple Cauliflower

This was a poem I learned as a child:
I've never seen a purple cow
I hope I never see one 
But this I know I'd rather see
A purple cow than be one.
(Or a purple Cauliflower)

Strange how these things stick in your head. So, I'm getting better at this cooking thing. Still chaos, but I'm learning.

I got feedback from several of you that the flour in the last recipe would have made a difference in the outcome, something about structure and holding it all together. I am also told to be patient.

Two things I'm not good at, patience and following directions. So this cooking stuff is a challenge for me, as you have seen.

Here is today's recipe. I found everything in my local fruit and vegetable stand.

I am making great friends with all of the local vendors. I love the produce woman at our local fruit and vegetable store. I told her I was learning to cook, and she beamed at me both in amazement and good will I'm sure. There was another woman in the store who was very curious about this recipe. Upon hearing it, they both said, gnamm, gnamm, buono...sounds good.

They have purple cauliflower here in this part of Sicily, hence the poem.  I guess the color comes from the minerals in the soil. Someone thought maybe it was genetically modified to be this color, but it is not. It actually grows naturally this color in this part of the world. Apparently there are also orange cauliflowers and yellow ones.These purple monsters are a big deal here right now.

There are carts of purple cauliflower all along the road selling to passersby.

Here are my ingredients before I started.

Everything always looks so easy before I start. I get mesmerized by the colours and then I forget what I'm doing. I checked the recipe and there were no new terms that I didn't know. That would seem to be good news. There is no egg white beating and folding, more good news.

I had all of the ingredients this time and I made actual bread crumbs from left over bread, toasted it in the oven and put aside.  Yeah for Susan!

I knew this rolling pin I brought from home would come in handy!.

The produce lady had the Castelvetrano olives. They had pits in them, but after the first chop of an olive, owwww, I figured that out. I guess I should try to eat one first before I start chopping, or probably just presume the olives have pits.

I found a lemon squeezer for the lemon, but it didn't have much juice inside. The lemon had a really thick skin.

I picked it off the tree outside, but I had to pull with all my might with both hands, practically falling on my butt when it finally came loose. Maybe it wasn't ready to join me, I don't know but there wasn't much juice in the thing. Luckily I only needed a tablespoon.

Now the trouble begins. I quote:
"Working from the top of the cauliflower head vertically to the core, carefully cut 3/4inch "steaks from the centre."

Working from the top of the head vertically to the core...what? What am I working at? What type of sentence construction is that? Who writes this stuff?

I must have read that line 10 times. Unfortunately, the Stoic One was in the shower, so I couldn't ask him for advise. Luca was no help.

As a matter of fact the entire time I am in the kitchen Luca stares at me like he has to go to the bathroom, but he doesn't. He either stares at me or hides in the other room. I think he thinks I've lost my mind.

Back to the cutting of this purple cauliflower.

First I wondered, if it would be purple inside. What do you think?

It was not!. Looks normal, like a regular cauliflower. Ok anther comment here. I keep telling you how delicious the produce is. It has a nutty, smokey flavour that is overlaid on the flavour of whatever you are eating. I finally got that the smokey taste comes from the lava. Gads, I hope the lava isn't that hot underneath me. I mean even as I'm standing here is is probably flowing in a red hot molten river beneath my feet. Yikes. Best not to think of that now.

OK back to cutting these steaks.

So, I look at this and think it looks like the tree of life. I could do a whole theological discussion here about Adam, Eve, the apple, that was never mentioned, the sexism of the whole story, but I won't. Suffice it to say, they probably weren't eating purple cauliflower. 

It looks weird to me, like I should cut out the core, but then I think it will all fall apart. I read the directions again, and continue.

I have nothing to brush the steaks with so I used my hands. Ewww...olive oily hands. I'm going through a roll of paper towels a dish! I did my best with the slicing but quite frankly I have no idea how wide 3/4 of an inch is. I have no idea how big an inch is. Maybe I should get a ruler before my next dish but they only have centimeter rulers and this would all be too much. Maybe the Stoic One can make me a paper ruler. I'll have to ask him.

For better or worse, I got some sliced and put in the pan.

I got 3 slices but then I gave up. Now I realise I should have sliced the clumps in the same shape as the big steaks. Next time.

Another comment here, I hate when the recipe says "meanwhile". You know you are in for trouble when you see that conjunction. As if I'm sitting around doing nothing. If you had a video of me, you would see me running around the kitchen table, reading the recipe, looking for my reading glasses, opening the oven door, looking for the oven mitts, closing the oven door and then turning on the stove. Meanwhile....

Okay the next steps weren't  too hard, except I still don't have this precision cutting thing anywhere near to close. I have too much of a "that's good enough" mentality to really be a good cook I've decided. The problem is then I freak out when I see they don't match, and drag them out of the saute pan, and make a mess and....you get the idea.

This is what they looked like when they were done. Lots of browns if you ask me.

This is the cauliflower, currants, garlic and olives mushed together and cooking for 5 minutes...no aobut 10 minutes..

This is what the cauliflower steaks look like when they were roasted.

To me they look like squished tarantula spiders . The lovely purple color is gone. I think all of the food looks better when I first buy it before I get my hands on it.

I stopped the cooking process here because we had to go off for lunch. The Stoic One tasted the olive concoction thing and said it was "delicious." High praise from him.

Luca is happier 

Now I am back at the computer.

We will have the cauliflower steak things for dinner. Will report back on the taste. 

Good news, it only took me an hour and a half to fix this. Bad news at least 45 minutes of that time was reading, running around whooping and opening and closing doors.